Bare minimum parentingI’ve been listening to the debate raging about the state of affairs for Black families and children for a few years now. Though I agree with most of your comments and of course it saddens me to hear the grim statistics, I do believe that you have left out a big part of the debate. We all know the frightening statistics – more Black boys in prison then college dorm rooms, only half bother to graduate from high school and they have a much greater chance of being shot then of getting a decent job. If this weren’t depressing enough – it leads to another depressing thought or phenomenon. I refer to this as the ‘bare minimum daddy.
These are the Black fathers who have a passing knowledge of our state of affairs and use it to excuse poor parenting. In other words, “at least I’m not gang banging” or “at least I come home at night” or “at least I’m not a crack head”. These types of comments are making me ill. As if we can only manage “the least”. And if I hear one more Black man use the excuse – I didn’t have a daddy so I don’t know how to be a daddy” – I’m going to go insane. If you google the word ‘parenting’ you get more than 25,000,000 results, over 2,000,000 for ‘parenting African American children’ and over 540,000 for ‘parenting special needs children’. That means there over 25,000,000 opportunities for these fatherless fathers to learn something about parenting their own kids.
As the mom of a son with autism, it saddens me that I may have to actually apply to the Big Brother program to get a consistent male role model for my son. I also didn’t have a father or mother growing up (both died when I was very young) and I’ve still figured it out. By talking to other parents, reading, going beyond the bare minimum and making a commitment to leaving my children a legacy to build upon. That legacy will include, not only a nest egg for them to begin their lives with, but with stories to tell, an appreciation for service, perseverance and working for a life that is more than the possessions they have. In my family, I have several male cousins that seem to have forgotten what we learned as kids and have succumbed to an assortment of life’s evils, but not one female cousin. It’s way past time for our ‘brother’s’ to remember some of those lessons.
Asked by janylaw 1 year ago
Community:
Be a Parent/Caregiver
Topics:
parenting,
family values
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