DCC says:
I am not a lawyer and I don't know the specifics of your case. However, I do understand your frustration with the legal system.

My advice is to try and start a dialog with your ex-wife. She may not want to hear from you, or she may want her lawyer present. The point is you need to have an open channel with her or it will be an uphill legal battle.

If you do get a chance to speak with her explain in a clear, concise, and calm manner, where you are coming from. Explain that you would like to visit your son and that you are willing to start off slowly or with a chaperon present.

If she has concerns, listen to them. And then try to address them. But remember to be clear, concise, and calm in your response. The best way of doing this is to set up a few bullet points or simple goals you would like to accomplish (this will help you be concise). To remain calm, you may have to swallow your anger over previous experiences, and let the past be past.

Remember the goal is you want to build a relationship with your son. Not trade barbs with your ex wife.

Best of luck.

Answered 1 year ago

» Rate answer:  (+0)    (-0)
» Flag as Abuse

foobar says:
For your son's sake, I believe you need to show him how the two key adults in his life love him and respect each other. Your son should not be the battlefield over which you and your ex fight battle after battle. It cannot be a win-lose situation for regardless of who wins, your son is losing.

Where is the love and respect that you had for each other when you create this wonderful being called your son? If the love is gone, why not try to restore the respect. Won't productive counseling, with the primary goal being restoring a relationship that enables both of you to provide a caring and nurturing environment for your son, be better than the tens of thousands spent on lawyers in battle?

Answered 1 year ago

» Rate answer:  (+0)    (-0)
» Flag as Abuse

gina19 says:
First let me start off by saying, I am a single black mother of a son, who is two years old. I can sympathize with your situation, and do pray that it gets better. The things I am going to say to you are only to help you see another way, not to judge you.I read your statement about the "suppossed to be christian" ex- wife, are you a christian too? I am going to make the assumption that you are and say this. Ask yourself what brought you all to the point of divorce, and as a christian you had the resources to work through whatever the problems were so why didn't you? So now your divorced and want the comfortability that comes with having a family in a married household, but you gave that up. You might respond to that statement, by saying no I don't , I just want to see my son. In all honesty you do want that , because you want your ex-wife to act accordingly. You can't control how someone acts as a result of a negative situation. God will deal with her in his own time, and when your son gets older he will know the efforts you made to see him. Just like she will have to reap what she is sowing, you are now reaping what you have sown. That statement doesn't mean the divorce was your fault or that you deserve what is happening, that statement means that whatever seed is planted, that is what fruit will grow. You seem to still have your own anger and bittter issues, and may be at risk for becoming what you say you despise. If you don't believe me read your own description of her. You have mentioned all the accomplishments you have made, and what service you have provided to different causes, why was that necessary? Do you need to feel good about what you should be doing as man, or human being, let God boast about who you are. You need not campaign for yourself, who you are and your efforts will be seen. When you have done all you can, just stand. Back up just a little, I know you want to see your son, and you will, but you have to stop fighting physically and mentally, and fight spiritually. As for the court system being unfair, you can thank your brohters for that. Unfortunately, they have set the stage for what America thinks black men are all about, but that still doesn't mean there is no hope for you. I reccomend praying for your ex- wife, not just for her sake but for your sons, and look at everything now as all about him. Don't even give breath to arguments and debates with her. She is hurting and therefore wants to hurt you, but kill her with kindness. You would be surprised how kindness from an unusual source helps a woman heal. You may be so angry or frustrated that you don't care about her healing, but if she remains hurt so will your son, and so will you. Love is stonger than Pride. May God be with you and send you peace.

Answered 1 year ago

» Rate answer:  (+0)    (-0)
» Flag as Abuse

quickmomma says:
The law does a great job of marginalizing fathers and protecting the weaker sex in the "best interest of the child." You sound like an excellent father and role model. There is no law, no man, no woman and no situation that can change the truth of who you are. The experience you are having of her withholding your son cannot last indefinitely. It is mathematically impossible. Therefore it is only temporary and serves as the backdrop for something wonderful to emerge.
Behind the appearance of every seeming negative experience, situations are always arranging themselves in your life, in your favor for your highest good.
Remember the story of Jesus healing a blind man? Someone asked Jesus, ‘who committed a sin that caused the man to be born blind.’ Jesus told the dude that nobody sinned. The man was born blind so that glory could be revealed. In order for you to experience anything, the exact opposite must first appear. You cannot experience freedom, for instance, without first knowing bondage. The experience ceases to exist and ceases to have power when its purpose is fulfilled.
Your professional background and this experience make you an ideal candidate to foster change in society and legislation. I am not saying fight the system, fight your ex or fight the power. Rather that the necessity of having the experience of your son being withheld from you may cease to exist when you lovingly embrace the experience. Because of movers and shakers like you with experiences like yours we now have the “Amber Alert.”
The idea that you have thought, said or done wrong in the past, present or future to “attract” the experience is a false notion. It implies that there is something wrong either internally or externally that one must battle, fight or fix. In truth, the experience is all good. You are just the person to go on Oprah and champion the cause. The question, in my mind at least, is not “why you?” But rather, “why not you?”

Answered 1 year ago

» Rate answer:  (+0)    (-0)
» Flag as Abuse