ps_ulano says:
Wow, that's hard. I sense that there is some deep seeded pain on her part that prevents her from acknowledging the truth. I think it will take addressing whatever that is to bring her out of her blindness.

I was raised by a single mother who was an alcoholic and in denial for years. It took her going into a detox facility, going through intensive counseling, and anti-depressants to realize that it wasn't me that was driving her to drink.

The counseling revealed that her inability to cope with life, and the lashing out of pain in ways unimaginable was rooted in how she was treated as a child. Out of 10 siblings, she was the only one abused - severely so. And her family members turned a blind eye to it. They still deny it, but I'm convinced that she 'lost it' way before I was born.

The effects of this spilled over into every part of her life; her total psyche. Subsequently, this affected her children.

I couldn't understand why she felt we needed HELP at times. I felt that some of her desperation was unwarranted, and tied to some very selfish desires. Evidently, a person who has pain stemming from childhood abuse, or like hers, can easily justify selfish actions like buying themselves lavish things that they can't afford, then going to someone for help in getting living necessities for their children. She, not for once, considered how humiliating that was for us and how she could have avoided that. She didn't care, we were just children.

They can easily justify abrasive and radical behavior, in their mind. That's them getting that pain out. They tend to be overly emotional, and this spills out onto their decision making. They can be very compulsive. My mom was a big time gambler; she would take us with her.

I look back and feel that she just wanted someone to her inner child and she tried to do this herself. Her childhood was taken from her.

It's not just poverty that people have to climb out of. There some deep seeded issue that haunt people as well.

Answered 12 months ago

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kpowel says:
Honestly at this point I don't think you can help without goinng in sane. I know first hand on what your going through. I have two other siblings and my mom raised us -- there was no father. Ever since I can remeber, I've been always the one trying to help my mom, be it cleaning, cooking, and even giving when I had a part time job. My brother and sister never helped, they always just took. My mom never seemed to mind. But now almost 17 years later I'm still doing the same thing. I to have a degree and do well for myself. At times I feel guilty that I make alot of money and go see different parts of the country. Usually I don't even talk to my family about these things, they usually say I think I'm white. Most of the time they seem so ignorant to me. I agree it can be very draining financially with my family. My mom refuses to kick my grown brother and sister out of the house we purchased together. My brother and sister refuse to pay rent, or help out with anything in the house. My sister has two kids and usually feel bad for them, because the lack of attention she gives them. I'm not sure why their so unmotivated, why their so lazy. It's not just them it's most of my extended family to. Right not I'm starting to think either I'm losing my mind or they've lost theirs. But I also feel right now I just don't want to have anything to do with family, because it doesn't seem like you can help them, they pretty much just want to take advantage of anyone that's trying to help them.

Answered 12 months ago

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creeve says:
I think that YOU should see a therapist. And I don't mean this in a bad way! You need to speak to someone that will make YOU, or have you help yourself in knowing that you can't do everything. Your sister is an adult and didn't learn responsibility. She needs to reach a point where she will want to help herself.

Answered 11 months, 1 week ago

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KNIGHTLYDI says:
You can help your sister by walking away.

Don't enable her to continue the self induced pity party. Let her know you are there for her if she truly needs you but you will refrain from assisting her inthe destruction of her life.

Be the greatest role model that you can be. Live well, live right, help others and if she cannot wake up and see that she can do this too then you need to move on and not allow this to hold you back from giving help to others who will benefit from it...and after they learn they will live, grow and thrive.



Answered 9 months, 3 weeks ago

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